Most people speak their first fully formed words between the ages of 10-14 months. As parents, it’s a big deal! Your child can now engage in interactive communication. For the rest of their lives, words will be the foundation of nearly everything they do. Psychologist and author Dr. Jordan Peterson says, “If you can think, speak, and write, you are absolutely deadly. Nothing can get in your way.”
If Dr. Peterson is right, why are we often careless with our words? There are many reasons, but a step back reveals two main themes:
- Thoughtlessness and impulsivity
- Talking too much
Thoughtlessness and Impulsivity
These terms might sound harsh, but they are accurate. The key is to remove our cognitive bias and understand that being thoughtless or impulsive doesn’t mean we are mean-spirited or unintelligent. It means we weren’t being mindful. We reacted without a gap between stimulus and response. Remember, hearing is not the same as listening; active listening requires setting everything aside temporarily and concentrating on the other person’s message and meaning. Evaluations, decisions, and reactions can come later.
Talking Too Much
Talking too much is a matter of probabilities – the more words we speak or write, the higher the likelihood we will say or write something we regret. We also increase the chances that our audience will lose interest and tune us out.
Do not underestimate the importance of words in strengthening or fracturing bonds. Whether spoken or written in casual interactions, frustrating situations, or critical reviews, be acutely aware of the power of your vocabulary. Our words matter, and we can always be more attentive and careful when using them.
Choosing Our Words Wisely
To be – as Jordan Peterson says – absolutely deadly, it’s important to recognize that improving our use of words is a continuous process. The most successful people treat this as a craft they are constantly honing. Here are some suggestions to ensure that your words matter:
- Pre-Game Your Conversation
Before speaking or writing – whenever possible – prepare mentally in advance. What do you plan to say? How do you plan to say it? Speak it out loud so you hear how it sounds. You’ll be amazed at how often this improves both the words you choose and the volume of words you use. Mark Twain said, “The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
- Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Great communicators are masters of efficiency. They don’t waste words. Consider eliminating words like “just.” For example, “I just called to say I love you” versus “I called to say I love you.” The latter is stronger and more direct. Other words to consider are “really,” “quite,” and “literally.”
- Say What You Mean
“Being direct” often gets a bad rap, but one can be direct in a manner that isn’t rude or mean. Being direct conveys confidence, authenticity, and transparency. It saves time and reduces the risk of being misinterpreted. You can be direct, but still be polite.
- Use Simple Words
Winston Churchill said, “Short words are best and old words when short are best of all.” Simple words are sharp, clear, and to the point. In today’s attention-deficit world, simple words are a competitive advantage.
- Use Bullet Points
Talking too much is often caused by social anxiety. Thinking and communicating around a small number of bullet points can be extremely helpful. Concise bullets are mental anchors that keep us from drifting off track.
- Practice the Two-Second Rule
Count for two seconds before replying to something that’s said to you. This allows a moment to formulate a thoughtful response and avoid impulsive reactions.
We spend a large percentage of our waking hours with words. A University of California, San Diego study estimated the average American consumes over 100,000 words every day. The noise level in our lives has never been higher. How do we break through so that we can be heard? By making sure our words matter.
